Friday, 13 September 2019

Just Begin

"If in doubt, begin"

Those of you who follow my instagram and blog will know that the last few months have been anything but easy. 2019 has been a ridiculously hard year due to very poor health and unfortunately the struggle is still on going. I have both chronic pain and chronic fatigue which means my days are spent alone, at home struggling through trying to find some meaning in life when all that I loved and worked for has been taken away. It's been the hardest challenge of my life so far.

When your body lets you down in such a big way it becomes very easy to be terrified all the time. You cut your life down in a bid for survival trying desperately to find a way of coping. This has been me for the last 8 months. I've lost pretty much everything that made me me. But recently I decided no more. I didn't want to be terrified to live. I didn't want to be kept captive by my chronic illness. Enough was enough.

Of course, this is much easier said than done. I made this decision in my head one night, felt very strongly and then thought and now what? I'm still in pain, I'm still struggling, I'm still exhausted and can barely function. And then I remembered...

"If in doubt, begin"

Just begin. Just begin. Little by little. Step by step. Start reintroducing more and more of you back into your life.

I started reading again. Just half an hour a night was all I could manage with my foggy chronic illness brain but it was good to be doing it again. I started walking again. Small country walks barely fifteen minutes but it was a walk. I started cooking again. Delicious meals from the many recipe books that had sat stagnant on the shelves for months. I even started new things like dress making and dog owning.

But the scariest thing of them all... I started to write again. Tiny little ideas fluttering around my head that never really left me even in my darkest moments. My imagination always there, always waiting.

And so dear reader I want to encourage you today. If like me you are in doubt, you are confused, lost, unsure of yourself I suggest you just begin. After all beginning is the hardest step of them all.


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